


A Warm Christmas

by emynn (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 06:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/emynn





	A Warm Christmas

**Title:** A Warm Christmas  
 **Author:** [](http://emynn.insanejournal.com/profile)[**emynn**](http://emynn.insanejournal.com/)  
 **Gift Recipient:** [](http://evening12.livejournal.com/profile)[**evening12**](http://evening12.livejournal.com/)  
 **Other pairings/threesome:** Past non-explicit Harry/Ginny necessary to get the three children.  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Word Count:** 4,600 words  
 **Content/Warnings:** (highlight for spoilers) * Mention of past character death (not Severus or Harry).*  
 **Summary/Prompt:** Severus had been planning on spending a quiet night alone by the fire, but a Christmas gift from Albus Severus changes all that.  
 **A/N:** Loosely inspired by Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Match Girl." Thank you to [](http://alisanne.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**alisanne**](http://alisanne.dreamwidth.org/) for the beta and [](http://lilyseyes.insanejournal.com/profile)[](http://lilyseyes.insanejournal.com/)**lilyseyes** for the handholding. To my mysterious recipient, I hope you enjoy this! And a happy holiday season to all the Snarry fans everywhere! ♥

 

  
** A Warm Christmas **  


 

Severus sat down in his least raggedy chair and, after a moment, pulled it closer to the fireplace. Whoever said Christmas was a night of warmth and love was full of rubbish. It was easily the coldest night of the year by far, and given how far into the year it was, that was saying quite a lot.

He supposed he could have cast a Warming Charm over the room. After all, with how small the house was, the spell wouldn’t even have to be especially powerful. But he quickly set that idea aside. There was something so utterly false about being in such a warm room when the surroundings were so barren and drab and snow fell in thick clumps outside. The warmth was suffocating. No, he far preferred the feeling of the heat from the fire before him contrasted with the icy draft caressing his back from the large, battered window at the front of his house.

Besides, he had other ways to fight the cold this evening. He lifted his mug of hot chocolate and gently blew across the surface. Lily had been so pleased with her Christmas present for him. She was bouncing with so much excitement while showing him how she had carefully filled several potions phials with the cocoa mix that she nearly caused the powder to spill out. Harry had apologised, and Severus had kept his usual dour expression, but he knew would never tire of feeling that little girl’s sweet embrace. Along with her grandmother’s looks, it was already clear that the child had also inherited her kindness.

The hot chocolate appropriately cooled, Severus took his first sip. It was rich and decadent, with just a hint of hazelnut. Severus couldn’t even remember the last time he had treated himself to hot chocolate, but he was certain that whatever beverage he’d imbibed hadn’t come close to this. Leave it to the Potters to make even a simple pleasure luxurious.

On some level he knew Harry would bring his children by on Christmas morning, but it was still a surprise to see them hurrying up the path to his house, brightly wrapped presents in hand. He had seen Harry and his family at least once a week since the end of the war, and even more frequently after Ginny had died giving birth to Lily. Severus had long come to accept that, for better or for worse, Harry would always be in his life.

That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, of course. But it certainly … _complicated_ matters.

Picking up his cup of hot chocolate once more, Severus stretched out his legs and resigned himself to a quiet Christmas evening in front of the fire.

~*~

“It’s freezing here,” Harry said, pulling his coat tightly around him. He’d once told Severus he preferred Muggle-style jackets to heavy Wizarding robes. Severus had naturally called him a fool, as robes provided much more warmth, but he secretly hoped Harry’s preferences never changed. The shorter coats gave Severus a better opportunity to study his arse.

“Well, nobody forced you to come here,” Severus said, watching as Jamie and Al fought to right a tiny Christmas tree in the corner of his living room. “You know perfectly well what my house is like in the winter.”

Harry frowned. “Severus, I’m worried about you. We’re having record low temperatures, and this house barely keeps in the heat from your fireplace. Why don’t you come stay with us? We have plenty of room, and the children would love to have you.”

“We’ve been through this before,” Severus said. And indeed, they had. But it wasn’t just Harry’s offer for Severus to move in with him. It was his offer to help his struggling apothecary get off the ground, his plan to get him a cushy job at the Ministry, and, at one point, his scheme to buy Severus his own house without him knowing it. Every week, Harry was there to offer him time, energy, or money, and every time, Severus turned him down cold.

“I just don’t understand,” Harry said. “We all have our pride, but Severus, there’s no need for you to suffer this much. Why won’t you let me help you?”

Of course Harry couldn’t understand. Harry had everything – good looks, a respectable job, a charming family, more Galleons than he knew what to do with, and a stellar reputation that endeared him to damn near everybody he met. He didn’t know what it was like to be so aware of his own unworthiness, to constantly be staring at what he wanted most in the world and know he’d be found wanting.

“I love you, Severus,” Harry whispered fiercely. “And I know you love me.”

“Not around the children,” Severus hissed, casting a glance at them. They gave no indication of having heard anything, as they were now entirely absorbed in adorning that ridiculous piece of foliage with handmade ornaments made of dry pasta and yarn. “And you know nothing of the sort. I was inebriated. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“I don’t care if you were drunk off your arse, Severus, it was the most honest and open I’ve heard you talk in my life.”

“I honestly think you’re delusional and have clearly gone around the bend,” Severus snapped. “You’d have to be to want to seriously say you’d want to be with somebody as pathetic as – ”

“Severus, just stop it,” Harry interrupted. “We’ve had this argument hundreds of times. You _know_ I don’t care about your house, or how much money you have, or any of that. I just want you to be happy … and, to be quite honest, I’d prefer if you’d be happy with me. But if you’re doing this just because you think I wouldn’t want you if you’re poor, or for whatever other reason you have running through your head … Merlin, Severus, I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are.”

Severus heaved a sigh and moved to his chair in front of the fire. “I know that, Harry,” he said, feeling entirely exhausted. “But it’s important to _me_. I know I’ve never had much to offer. But to accept hand-outs from the one person who I – ” He cut off, unable to choke out the words.

Harry’s hand covered his. “It wouldn’t be a hand-out,” he said softly. “I would do the same for anybody I care about. You’re just … special.”

Severus looked at where their hands were joined, then at the children still laughing as they decorated the tree. It was like a cruel parody of domestic tranquillity. He and Harry, the indulgent parents, keeping watch over three children decorating what could only be described as a glorified twig in a derelict shack masquerading as a home. He jerked his hand away from Harry’s.

Harry opened his mouth, his eyes looking pained. But before he could get any words out, Al scurried over and tugged at Severus’s hand.

“Do you like your tree, Severus?” he asked eagerly. “I made the star at school! And we put your presents underneath. I got you magic fire dust from Uncle George’s shop! I bought it with my own allowance!”

“Albus!” Jamie rebuked, elbowing him. “You’re not supposed to tell him what you got him!”

Harry rested his hands on Severus’s shoulders. “We _all_ love you,” he whispered into his ear. “Happy Christmas.”

~*~

Happy Christmas.

Severus drained the last of his hot chocolate and set the cup down on the end table. “Happy” was certainly stretching it, but it hadn’t been horrible. There was only something about it that … “ached” was an appropriate word. His dreams, his happiness, they all seemed so close for those few hours the Potters were visiting. He knew they were his for the taking, if only he said the words. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Not yet. There were still too many questions racing through his mind, too much uncertainty about whether it would all be worth the risk.

He idly lifted up the small glass box Al had given him and opened the lid. The fire dust inside of it was as fine as Wartcap powder, and seemed to be black until he let some fall between his fingers and realised it was actually a deep crimson. He took the small card that was tucked into the powder.

_CHRISTMAS FIRE DUST: FOR WARM HOLIDAYS WISHES THAT LAST INTO THE NEW YEAR!_

He flipped the card over, but there were no further instructions. A part of him, knowing it was from George Weasley, was ready to chuck it out the window. Who knew what kind of monster would sprout from his fireplace? But surely Weasley wouldn’t have given his nephew something dangerous. And, what’s more, Severus couldn’t quite bring himself to throw away anything little Al had given him, especially not this gift that was likely the first present he had bought with his own pocket money. Severus still had his gift from last year, a tiny, brass-plated cauldron that would probably melt if any boiling water touched its surface. Severus kept it tucked away on his bookshelf, right behind his tome on studies of Parseltongue potions.

A shrill wind cut through the silence of the night. Severus glanced out the window. The sky was a deep navy and adorned with hundreds of glittering stars, all shining upon deep blankets of snow and glistening pine trees. It looked like a damned Christmas card.

He turned back to the fireplace. The flames crackled loudly, beckoning him closer. Deciding he had nothing to lose, but with his wand firmly in his hand, he moved to sit directly in front of the hearth. Then, after only a moment’s hesitation, he tossed a pinch of the fire dust into the flames.

At first Severus was about to write off the fire dust as an ineffectual prank, a failed gimmick that he’d come to expect from a Weasley. He was just beginning to wonder what kind of lie he’d have to come up to tell Al about his unfortunate present when the flames began to dance and change shape. They twisted about like wisps of orange and gold smoke, blending and melding together and eventually changing colour altogether. Blues, greens, violets … all colours Severus had never seen in his fireplace. He blinked. If he wasn’t mistaken, there was an actual scene playing out before him, rather like flickering actors in a telly screen.

He blinked again, allowing his eyes to adjust and focus on the figures. It was quite dizzying at first, as the people made of flames didn’t seem to be entirely balanced. But soon enough it became clear what was before him: Harry’s dining room, set out for a feast, with three small children darting around the table. And there was Severus, sitting at the head of the table.

_”The roast potatoes are done,” Harry said, coming up behind Severus and kissing his cheek. “And the turkey will be ready in a minute.”_

_Severus captured Harry’s hand on his shoulder. “I wish you had let me assist you with supper. I do know my way around a kitchen, you realise.”_

_“I know,” Harry said, squeezing Severus’s hand. “But I wanted to spoil you a bit. Besides,” he said, his voice low. “You can reward me for all my labours tonight.” He leaned down and captured Severus’s mouth in a long, slow kiss._

_“Eww, gross!” Jamie whinged over the sound of Lily’s giggles. “Do you have to do that before we eat?”_

_Severus reluctantly pulled away from Harry. “Careful, James,” he said. “Or I’ll eat every last pig-in-a-blanket.”_

_“You wouldn’t!” Jamie shouted, and sprinted into the kitchen, likely to protect his precious pigs-in-a-blanket._

_Harry laughed and ran his fingers through Severus’s hair. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said. He turned to walk back to the kitchen, but not before glancing back at Severus one last time, his expression one of joy, pride, and something that looked undeniably like love._

The fire crackled loudly, and Severus watched as the figures in the fireplace rose up with the flames and disintegrated into the depths of the hearth. Not pausing for a second, not even to think about the sudden gust of cold air that reduced him to shivers, he reached back into the glass box and tossed another pinch of fire dust into the flames.

A different scene greeted his eyes this time. It was still Harry’s home, to be sure, but now it was his living room. A tree stood in the corner by the fireplace, but unlike Severus’s, it was grand, decorated with hundred of sparkling ornaments as well as some clearly homemade ones, and reached to the ceiling. Jamie, Al, and Lily were sitting in front of the tree, playing with their new toys, while Severus sat on an overstuffed chair with Harry perched on its arm.

_”Thank you,” Harry said._

_“What ever for?” Severus asked. “I’ve done practically nothing today.” There was a note of unease in his voice, as though now that he had been caught out, he could be expected to be kicked out into the snow._

_“You were here,” Harry said. “I can’t remember ever having this happy a Christmas. I never …” He shook his head. “I know you’ve always been fond of the children. But it means a lot to them to have you be a part of the family.”_

_“They’re marginally charming when they have the mind to be,” Severus admitted. “Although I do hope that’s not the only reason you’re happy I’m here.”_

_“Of course not,” Harry said. He slid onto Severus’s lap. “It means a lot to me that you’re a part of my family, too. I needed you here. With me.”_

_“Harry,” Severus breathed. Harry leaned in close and kissed him, gently at first, but Severus knew if it weren’t for the children playing so close to them, it soon would have erupted into one that burned as brightly as the fire in front of them._

The scene in the fire vanished, and Severus leapt to his feet. He was panting, as though he had just run a mile in the snow. That scene in the fire came too close for comfort to the dreams that taunted him nearly every night. But they never seemed so vivid, so close, so … _heated._

He moved towards the kitchen and quickly prepared himself another cup of hot chocolate. At that moment, he certainly didn’t need it, but he thought perhaps it would calm his nerves, or, at the very least, remind him of sweet, lovely little girls and not their overly attractive fathers.

With the cup of hot chocolate in his hands, it was far too warm in front of the fire, so he instead stood by the window. The snow was still falling heavily; he wouldn’t be surprised if he were snowed in the next day.

He sighed and took a sip from the cup and turned his gaze to the stars. Merlin, but he _wanted_ Harry. He’d known it for years, but seeing it before his eyes, and so close he could literally _touch_ it …

_And be burned._

No. He knew Harry well enough by now. He wasn’t the same arrogant, impetuous boy of his youth. He was just as bold, passionate, and brave, but it was tempered with a maturity and gentleness of spirit that Severus had come to both respect and yearn for.

A shooting star fell from the sky.

_I want him_ , Severus wished instinctively. _I want the vision in the fire._

Once the star disappeared from the sky, Severus turned away, feeling rather foolish for his moment of sentimentality. Wishing on stars … honestly.

No longer feeling so warm, he returned to his place in front of the fire. It was only when some of the hot chocolate sloshed in the cup and nearly spilled that he realised he had some leftover fire dust stuck to his hand. Deciding the tiny amount couldn’t possibly do any more harm, he flicked the dust off into the fire.

He should have known better.

The flames immediately restarted their dance, twisting in the hearth to form distinct human shapes.

Severus felt his mouth go dry.

_”Merlin, Severus,” Harry gasped. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.”_

_“What’s wrong with that?” Severus asked, leaning down to cover Harry’s neck with kisses._

_“Because I want to enjoy this for more than three minutes, that’s why,” Harry said. “It’s not often we can get the children asleep before eight. I’m still not sure I believe you didn’t slip them a potion.”_

_Severus snorted. “They had no need. Waking up at three in the morning, running and jumping about all day, and an inevitable sugar crash has a more potent effect than even the Draught of Living Death.”_

_Harry laughed, then reached up to tuck Severus’s hair behind his ear and caressed his face. “You’re really incredible, you know that?”_

_Severus’s face flushed. “I’m nothing of the sort.”_

_“You are,” Harry insisted._

_“I’ll never understand why you wanted me,” Severus whispered. “I had nothing.”_

_“You have everything,” Harry said. “Courage, intelligence, passion … you mean everything to me, Severus. I was so lonely before you came here.”_

_“With three children running about?” Severus asked. “Impossible.”_

_“It’s not the same thing, and you know it,” Harry said, placing a firm kiss on Severus’s lips. “You are everything I could possibly want or need in a lover. And if you give me the chance, I intend to prove it to you every day of my life.”_

_Severus rested his head in the crook of Harry’s neck, clinging to his chest for dear life. “Always,” he whispered._

“No,” Severus whispered, watching the vision vanish into the embers. “No. Stay.”

But the fire forms of himself and Harry were gone, leaving only the ever crackling flames and piles of ash.

“God _damn_ it!” Severus shouted, and hurled his cup at the wall. It shattered, spilling cocoa down the dingy wall. Breathing heavily, he placed his hands on his knees and tried to compose himself. This was madness. There was no reason for a child’s toy to break him.

He looked out the window. Before he had been distracted by the plentiful stars sparkling at him, mocking him with their merriment. But now he focused his attention on the moon – steady, constant, soothing.

Rather like Harry.

Mind made up, he quickly extinguished the fire and grabbed his cloak.

The night was still young.

~*~

Severus walked up the path to Harry’s house, pausing when he reached the front door. He had Apparated here, afraid that if he took any longer, he would stop to think, and then wind up right in front of his fireplace again. But now, standing with his fist poised at Harry’s door, he began to wonder.

Was it just because it was Christmas and he was tired of spending the day alone in his icy cold house? Was a magical powder sold for a Sickle a gram enough to risk the friendship he had somehow managed to form with Harry and his children? What had really changed between yesterday and today, that suddenly Severus was now willing to compromise on his principles and go to Harry a desperate man, both broke and broken? What was he thinking?

He was just about to turn to leave when the door swung open. Severus was immediately bathed in warm light. “Severus!” Al cried. “You came!”

“Hello, Al,” Severus said. “How are you?”

“Good,” Al said, opening the door wider to let Severus in. “I had four whole pieces of chocolate cake! Jamie could only eat three and a half. And my pieces were bigger.”

“Merlin help us,” Severus muttered. He removed his cloak and hung it on a stand by the door. There was no need for it inside the Potters’ cosy, welcoming home.

“Did you use my present yet?” Al asked eagerly. “What did you see? Uncle George said it would be something wonderful. Only I think he may have tricked me, because I gave Dad the same present and I just peeked in on him using it and he seemed sad.” He frowned, looking up worriedly at Severus. “You didn’t see anything sad, did you?”

“No,” Severus said distractedly. He hadn’t expected Harry to receive the same gift. The revelation that it distressed him was also troubling. Severus couldn’t help but wonder if what Harry saw was similar to what he had seen in his own fireplace.

“You should go see him,” Al said. “Whenever Dad’s sad and we can’t cheer him up, we make him go to your house. He always smiles more when he’s with you.”

Bringing his attention back to Al, Severus nodded. “Where is he?”

Al gestured towards the living room. “In there. But wait.” He ran into the kitchen, and returned a moment later carefully carrying two steaming cups of hot chocolate. “Dad loves hot chocolate,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Severus took the two mugs, grateful for their warmth in his freezing hands, and entered the living room.

Harry was seated in an armchair, his legs stretched out before him, as he stared intently in the fireplace. Severus thought he saw an image of himself in the flames, but it vanished before he could be certain.

Harry sighed and rubbed his face in his hand. It was only when Severus cleared his throat that he looked up.

“Severus!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“So it would seem,” Severus said, handing Harry one of the mugs. “Trying to find the meaning of life in the flames?”

“Something like that,” Harry muttered, taking a sip of hot chocolate. “Is everything all right? I wasn’t expecting to see you again tonight.”

“No, I expect you weren’t,” Severus said, taking a seat in the chair across from Harry. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure why I’m here myself.”

“Oh,” said Harry. Severus might have been imagining it, but he sounded rather disappointed.

“Well, I know _why_ I came,” Severus admitted. “I’m only … unsure of how to put it in words.”

“Oh,” Harry repeated. He smiled hesitantly. “Well, that’s okay. We don’t have to say anything. We can just… sit in front of the fireplace and drink hot chocolate.”

Severus nodded. “Very well.”

They stayed like that for quite a while, sipping their drinks and watching the flames dance in the fireplace. Besides the crackling of the fire, the only other sounds in the house were the muffled noises of Harry’s children playing what sounded like a rousing game of Exploding Snap. Severus kept half-expecting to see visions of Harry and himself in the flames, but it remained decidedly mundane. But that didn’t prevent either of them from staring at it as though it were about to reveal the secrets of the universe.

“Harry,” he said finally, when his hot chocolate was gone. “What did you see in the fire earlier?”

Harry drained the last of his drink and set the cup down on the floor beside him. “What do you mean?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “When you used the fire dust. What did you see in the fire?”

“How did you know I used fire dust?” Harry asked.

“The child of yours who let me in does not know the meaning of the word discretion,” Severus said with an impatient wave. “Now, will you answer the damn question?”

Harry looked down at his hands clasped in his lap. After a long moment, he lifted his head just enough to look Severus in the eyes. “You,” he answered. “I saw you. Us. Together. Happy.”

Severus moved from his chair and kneeled before Harry. “I saw you, too,” he said, taking Harry’s hands. “Us. Together. Happy.”

Harry blinked. “You … but…”

“To see it play out before me, so close but just out of reach was akin to torture,” Severus said. “When it was only a vague thought, a passing fantasy in my mind, I could endure. But after _seeing_ it … I can’t do that any longer, Harry.”

“You don’t have to,” Harry said urgently. “Severus, if you just say the words, I swear it…”

“I’m saying the words,” Severus said. “I want you, Harry. I want you to be in my life, as fully as you are willing to be. I know I have nothing to offer, and I’m not a man you can be proud to show off at your side, but I swear, Harry, I’ll prove it to you. I’ll do anything in my power to make you happy.”

“Nothing to … for Merlin’s sake, Severus, get off your knees,” Harry said, as though only just recognising their positions. He rose from his seat, pulling Severus up along with him. “Don’t you ever say that. Severus, I would be honoured to have you by my side. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever known, and the only man who makes me feel like I’m not half-empty inside. There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted more than to be with you.”

“But –”

“Hush,” Harry said. “Just hush. We could do this all night, but we’d never get anywhere. And, frankly, there are a lot of other things I’d rather do tonight.”

Severus felt his mouth go dry. “Such as?”

“This,” Harry said, and pulled Severus in for a deep, all-consuming kiss.

Severus melted into the embrace, relishing the feeling of Harry’s strong arms wrapped around his body. He parted his lips, welcoming Harry’s tongue as it darted over his own. His mouth tasted of cocoa and hazelnut. Severus felt as though his entire body would burst into flames at any instant.

“That,” Harry said a bit breathlessly when they pulled away. He rested his forehead against Severus’s. “Lots and lots of that.”

Severus smiled slightly. Some of the initial intense heat of their first kiss had faded, but a comforting, tingling warmth remained. For the first time in at least a decade, Severus felt there was a chance he would no longer know what it meant to be cold.

“Did you notice it’s rather quiet?” he asked. “Do your children go to bed this early?”

“More like they’re listening outside the door,” Harry said with a laugh. “They’ll be pleased to hear about this. Lily has been asking for nearly a year when she’d get to call you ‘Papa.’”

Severus startled. “Papa?”

“Oh, hell,” Harry said. “That came out wrong. She’s not going to start calling you that tomorrow or anything. I just meant … she loves you.” He bit his lip. “Is that okay?”

“That depends,” Severus said, still playing the word ‘papa’ in his head repetitively.

“On?”

“On the feelings of her father.”

A slow smile spread across Harry’s lips. “I love you, too,” he said. “More than anything. But you knew that.”

“I did,” Severus said. “And I trust you know the feeling is mutual?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, gently shoving Severus against a wall and covering his mouth with another searing kiss. “Yeah, I do.”

Severus returned the kiss, feeling much more alive than he had in ages. Strangely enough, with Harry in his arms, it didn’t matter that his potions shop had yet to turn a regular profit, that he had little in the way of material goods to offer anybody, or that many still considered him to be a traitor. All that mattered was Harry, and this incredible warmth spreading throughout his body.

A warmth that he knew would last well into many, _many_ new years.  


-The End-

  



End file.
